Top Ten Things I Swore I’d Never Do When I Became a Mom:

1. Let the kids watch multiple episodes of super annoying mind numbing tv shows, including, but not limited to, Spongebob, The Wiggles and Doodlebops.
2. Serve the children a not-so-well rounded meal of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cotton candy flavored yogurt stick on the side for lunch and dinner in the same day.
3. Agree to play such tunes as “Call Me Maybe,” “Party In The Usa,” and “Firework” six times each while driving with the kids in the car.
4. Be convinced to purchase and serve cereal with artificially colored marshmallows in it for breakfast.
5. Consider two and a half cold, rubbery chicken nuggets, a spoonful of Kraft mac and cheese and a sip of a warm juice box abandoned by my child to count as my very own dinner. 6. Learn the skill of using the toilet, showering, brushing my teeth, taming my hair and slapping some makeup on my face all in less than 3 minutes time.
7. Willingly touch, analyze and discuss in great detail another person’s snot, pee or poo with anyone who will listen to the gory details.
8. Being completely at peace with being seen in public, by the same exact people, in the same exact pair of faded black yoga pants, four days in a row.
9. Use my own saliva as a cleaning agent to remove the remnants of Oreos off of my child’s face after discovering I never replenished my supply of baby wipes in my pocketbook.
10. Let history repeat itself and use a handful of those infamous phrases my own mother once used on me which include, but are not limited to, “If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a 1,000 times!” and “Watch that attitude little lady!” and “Because I’m the mom, that’s why!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: