Dear Santa…

Dearest Santa,

While we’re at it, please consider me for the following desperately needed gifts as well this coming Christmas:

1. a chef who cooks healthy foods my children will actually eat

2. a maid who specializes in laundry, scrubbing toilets and vacuuming up pet hair.

3. a nanny, however not one that is prettier, skinnier or funnier than I am

4. an uninterrupted night of sleep void of children begging to take up residence in my bed at approximately 3:00, 4:00, and 4:17 AM.

5. the ability to take a shit, shower and shave without 3 and half foot tall visitors demanding another glass of milk, another episode of Spongebob Squarepants or help wiping their butt

6. a privacy glass divider to be used at my discretion to drown out any whining and bickering while driving with the kids in the backseat

7. the ability to eat a salad without being guilted into giving away the croutons, bacon bits and olives to begging children

8. weekly kid-free trips to Target at which time I can leisurely stroll the store without having to put into place a strategic plan of attack in order to avoid the toy aisles

9. the ability to finally finish a library book without having to owe $14.25 in overdue fines

10. An unlimited supply of wine in order to always ensure my new wine cup is filled to the brim.

With Love and Holiday Cheer,

Mommy

winebox

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