While we’re at it, please consider me for the following desperately needed gifts as well this coming Christmas:
1. a chef who cooks healthy foods my children will actually eat
2. a maid who specializes in laundry, scrubbing toilets and vacuuming up pet hair.
3. a nanny, however not one that is prettier, skinnier or funnier than I am
4. an uninterrupted night of sleep void of children begging to take up residence in my bed at approximately 3:00, 4:00, and 4:17 AM.
5. the ability to take a shit, shower and shave without 3 and half foot tall visitors demanding another glass of milk, another episode of Spongebob Squarepants or help wiping their butt
6. a privacy glass divider to be used at my discretion to drown out any whining and bickering while driving with the kids in the backseat
7. the ability to eat a salad without being guilted into giving away the croutons, bacon bits and olives to begging children
8. weekly kid-free trips to Target at which time I can leisurely stroll the store without having to put into place a strategic plan of attack in order to avoid the toy aisles
9. the ability to finally finish a library book without having to owe $14.25 in overdue fines
10. An unlimited supply of wine in order to always ensure my new wine cup is filled to the brim.
With Love and Holiday Cheer,