Mommy’s Top Ten Things To Do If I Ever Want To Get My Children’s Undivided Attention:

 1. Sit down in a chair.
2. Take first bite of my dinner.
3. Log online to check my email.
4. Pick up the phone.
5. Lie down on my bed.
6. Attempt to read something other than a children’s book.
7. Try to hold a coherent conversation with another adult. 8. Hop into the shower.
9. Sit down on the toilet.
10. Update my Facebook status.
Without fail. Every f#*king time. <
shudders as the deafening sounds of “Mom, Mommy, Ma, Mama, Mooooooooooomy!” fill the house…>

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