Top Ten Things You Hope To Never Hear Come From Your Child’s Mouth (but most likely will at some point or another):

1. Wow! These scissors cut my hair really well! I should be a haircutter when I grow up!
2. Mommy! Hurry! Come upstairs and look at me! I’m so super, super glittery now!
3. Don’t you agree that the cat looks so much cuter now that I trimmed her whiskers?
4. Hey Mom, take a guess. Is this poop or chocolate on my hand?
5. Hey Dad, did you even know that Mommy has really, really hairy privates? I totally saw it today when I walked into the bathroom while she was peeing.
6. Mom! I have great news! I raised my hand first and got picked when my teacher asked who would like to take care of our class pet, Mr. Nibbles the mouse over the entiore two week Christmas school vacation.
7. Mom, I was just wondering if this black Sharpie marker moustache will ever come off of my face?
8. I know another word that rhymes with truck…fuck! I can’t wait to use the new word I just learned. F#*k, f#*k, f#*K!
9. Hey Mom!? Is that person standing right behind us in line a girl or a boy!? I can’t decide.
10. Mom, your collection of expensive lipsticks work so much better than those silly washable fingerpaints we have for all those awesome paintings I just did of Spongebob on my bedroom walls.
<Because we all have at least one, you are cordially invited to share your very own all time favorite “Did my kid really just freaking say that moment” now. Go.>
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