It has rained all day today. And so in typical rainy day fashion, the tv has gotten quite a workout ’round these parts today. My brain is currently on overload as the super irritating sounds that can only be heard on super annoying children’s television shows echo through my head.
This brush with complete and utter insanity led me to dig up the following…
Mommy’s Official List of The Top Ten Most Annoying Children’s TV Shows and Why They Suck As Much As They Do…
1. Calliou – Because if I really want to listen to a whiny kid, I can just turn the tv off and listen to my own.
2. Max and Ruby – Because while watching the bossy pants big sister tell her brother what to do I am continuously wondering where the hell are thier damn parents to put her ass in a time out?
3. Wonder Pets – Because no children’s show should teach kids it’s ok to speak like a fuzzy little duckling with a terrible speech impediment that gets around in a flying boat.
4. Dora The Explorer and/or Go Diego Go – Because there just aren’t too many things that are creepier than that way they stare at you while waiting you to answer their asinine questions, such as, Have you seen the pygmy marmoset in the jungle?
5. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse – Because the sound of Mickey calling out to that Toodles contraption is enough to make my skin crawl.
6. Spongebob – Because any show that teaches my young impressionable kids to incorporate such words as diarrhea, stupid and idiot into their everyday vocabulary is an epic fail in my book.
7. The Wiggles – Because when that happy-go-lucky quartet of men begin singing a song about fruit salad being yummy, yummy I contemplate punching the tv screen.
8. Teletubbies – Because brightly colored, alien-esque looking creatures with shapes on their heads who speak in some weird, disturbing language simply scare the living shit out of me.
9. Veggie Tales – Because when vegetables begin singing songs that preach about god and loving thy neighbor I have no choice but to forcefully hit the power button the tv.
10. Barney – Because any show that stars an oversized, purple, talking dinosaur dancing around with “kids” who are clearly way too old to even be on the show deserves to be criticized, ridiculed and boycotted by parents everywhere.