The Official Top Ten List of the Worst Pregnancy Side Effects…
1. The joy of sore, aching, throbbing boobs with silver-dollar sized areolas pouring out of your bra.
2. Sitting back helplessly while watching cellulite make a permanent home on parts of your body you didn’t know could even get cellulite on them.
3. Saying a prayer you don’t pee in your pants again every single time you cough, sneeze, laugh, breathe or bend over to pick something up.
4. Morning, mid-morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and evening sickness.
5. Endless gas from both ends of your body that sounds and smells so bad it rivals that of a 400 pound man’s flatulence.
6. Wearing those super high-waisted, super awkward looking, and straight up super hideous maternity jeans.
7. Having no choice but to give in to the cravings for Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, egg salad on an everything bagel, green olives, and orange juice which are not always, but on occasion, all consumed together in one sitting.
8. Gaining weight so fast you swear you can feel yourself getting fatter by the minute.
9. Not having the ability to see anything past your huge belly to check if your legs are hairier than your husband’s and desperately in need of a shave again.
10. Those pesky hemorrhoids which, without a shadow of a doubt, were sent straight from the devil above to torture pregnant women all over the world. Ouch.