Mommy’s Official Top 10 List of…
Things I Really Miss Most From My Pre-Mommy Days:
1. Going to the bathroom by myself without pint sized spectators commenting on and questioning the odor and duration of my bowel movements.
2. Eating my favorite salad without my mom guilt forcing me to say yes when asked ever so sweetly to surrender my croutons, bacon bits, chunks of cheese, olives or any other of my favorite ingredients.
3. Waking up to the sound of an alarm clock with the first number greater than a 6 rather than being startled awake by two mini rockstars in training performing full-volume on the radio style karaoke at 5:12 am to “Sexy and I Know It.”
4. Listening to my favorite not-at-all-kid friendly music at a way too loud volume while driving and not having to strategically lower the volume at each swear word.
5. Comfortably wearing a pair of single digit sized jeans without that damn muffin top pouring over the top of the waistband.
6. Having the ability to leave the house in a timely fashion without having to wait an extra thirty-seven minutes for someone to gather up their three biggest stuffed animals, six books, a green marker, a plastic tambourine, and thirteen Pokeman cards for the ten minute car ride to the store.
7. Being able to eat candy, cookies, ice cream and other sugary treats at my leisure without the worries of having to share and/or fend off beggars with my spoon or bare hands.
8. Food shopping without having to maneuver a cart that has 100+ pounds of children hanging off the side of it and not having the task of fishing out 3 boxes of Double Stuff Oreos, 2 packages of marshmallows and a king sized bag of M and M’s right before checkout time.
9. Being able to finish a book in less than six months time and avoid $35.80 in highly embarrassing library overdue fines.
10. And last, but not least, and possibly the most missed thing of all from my pre-mommy days, is being able to laugh, sneeze or cough without the fear of pissing my f#*king pants.